Woulda, coulda, shoulda, didn't, damn it !

Bah
Sun., Mon., Tue., dry .

surf on...

Kooked out on "The Reef" oh my ! !

I have mental issues, this we ALL know.
The Reef(Igor's) messes wit the brain of I and I. Friday night I went out with my friends
Pat n Dave. I caught a few inbetween wistful glances south to the reef, where it always seems to break better. That place always shakes my confidence. So last night I thought I'm going there on Saturday.
I paddled over this morning and there were only 4-5 others on the peak, all of whom I knew, Pat and Chuck are bud's.
I rode a wave on my knees,
(could NOT stand) and actually laughed it off. That in itself is rare for me, to truly laugh at myself and not feel bad. So that was cool. Did a couple other kook outs and laughed those off as well. YDD would have had a field day with me today.

Did get some nice rides however and felt REALLY good about
"The" reef session.
Gonna go back again tomorrow and do it again,
This morning, in the water at the reef, after I stood on a "nice"drop and rode, Pat shook my hand and said"welcome back".
I know exactly what he meant by that.
Thanks Pat!! It's good to be back !

surf on...

Weirdooooooooooooooooooo

I had 2 meetings at work
from 1030-5pm .....weird
Paddle out was weird
Waves were weird.
Pat and Dave were out there ,
they were weird.
Waves approaching and
disappearing under you...weird
Pat and Dave got out and split....weird
I caught a weird wave in,
waved bye and split...weird.

Conclusion
I'm weird
very freaking weird.....
Im a weird-o.
I dont care-o
surf on weirdos
weird on surfos.......

It's OK to be Gray

Gray sky never agreed with me.
It irritates my eyes.
It bugs my brain. It keeps me in.
Gray sky,for me, is a basic bummer.
However,
I am not gonna let that stop me from going.
Surfing is one activity that takes my mind off it,
and "me".
It takes my mind off everything bad, no matter how bad.
It has been a good week for me.
Ive been in the water 4 of the last 6 days.
I hurt.... I may always hurt, so what.
I'm stoked again. Practiced cross stepping most of the session until my friend Eileen showed up in the water. Nice surprise. A friend from "the past" in a way. She surfs well and chooses her words. It was good to surf with her for a bit. Waves were few between but none the less, a surf is a surf, is a surf, and I ALWAYS come out washed "clean". My goal now will be to get 200 sessions in, for the 2010 year. Work will conspire against me, but I will find a way. I have to really, as I have heard often in the last few days, that "surfers don't really make the choice, the choice is made for them." This is sooooo true !

surf on..... I think a new swell approaches.

Are things gettin better ? My board is treating me real good. A hug is in order !

Looks a little, well, it is what it is. Haha.

Got outta work VERY late.
Shoulda been out @ 4:45
Got out @ 5:30. Not a big deal unless its 70 degrees, glassy AND there is a swell.
Jammed home, shoulda brought the board(duh),
looked at the cam and dove into the wetsuit,grabbed a cup-a-joe and split.
Got there @ 6:15pm and "ran" to the water.
Got a few, not as big as Sunday for sure but conditions were GREAT ! Then on the last wave after the sun had set, I crossed stepped up the board. No flailing arms, no shuffle, had both feet equally in the last foot of the nose, for TIME.
Did a dip with a left foot extension to the end of the board and kept on it. HaHaHa all the way in.
Wife is beautiful. Life is beautiful.
God and nature are smiling on me right now.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~B E A U T I F U L ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Just EXACTLY what I needed ! ! ! ! Perfect !

Saturday morning was ok.... I didn't get many waves and, well, it was ok.
Sat.,night I dreamt of huge walls of green.Then came Sunday morning,
and it was blown out at 0700.
Made a call or two and it was described as victory at sea.
Cameras showed "kinda crappy".
Like the big little kid I am, I was outwardly disappointed. Ceilings of grayness were there all morning into early afternoon, this depressed me.
THEN...as promised,Dave called and said" looks pretty good, little texture and shoulder high stuff". After some grumbling, I asked Jason to go with me and of course he says sure.
Got in @ 330 pm with a glass off and clean up from out side shoulder - ++ sets of big fat crumblers . The clouds gave way to pure blue skies and warm sunshine. 50 -100 yards south, hollow overheads were seen and HEARD,
the kind sound that makes you tingle, air being forced thru and over the glassy water!
Jason, Dave and I,
got many waves with steep drops and long shoulder rides.
I haven't really had a "perma grin" like that in....
well in a year to the day.
Exactly one year ago I "rolled " out of the hospital,
after spending a month there in a state of near death.
One year ago today I came home.
One year ago I started out barely able to make a lap around my house with 3 bulb drains hanging out of my abdomen sucking vileness out of my body, a wound vac machine sucking equally horrid stuff from a gaping un-stichable, 12 cut in my abdomen.
I had a bag attached to my stomach to poo into.
I don't think I "believed" I would ever surf again, really.
I wanted to, and was determined to "achieve " this goal but,
I really didn't believe I would ever surf like I just did, again, in my life, ever.
Exactly one year ago, all there was was the most tiny spark of stoke left in my life.
Yesterday was MIRACULOUS actually ! !
I am forever grateful to ALL !
GOD, MOTHER OCEAN, Family and friends, all ! !

Speakin of STOKE

I am soooooo Stoked about Daylight Savings time coming this Sunday.
Sun is setting at 7 PM.
N O W I can take the board to work and get in 2 hours afterward
D A I L Y

Better than......(part deux)

OK now I'm back login' to last weekend.
Went out on Saturday( Jason's Birthday ) 2/28/09 and didn't get anything again. Jason was working and I was not feeling it. Went the following Sunday and ran into some folks I haven't been with in the water for awhile . It was very satisfying to paddle out and turn on the first outside set and get it on. Got some hoots and hollers( from some very fine Wahine's ) then paddled and got a few more. Was very fun. Just what an old, beat up dude needed.
Pat (in the Hat ) was there and that was the first time he's seen me get up real, since all the bullshit , so that was cool.
Below is Pat (in the Hat) in a victory at sea day,
last may......something I really look forward to doing with him again, if....nah...WHEN my body allows.

Better than...

<------Dave ( in glasses) and I

. Back log 2 Fridays back I was to meet my son after work for a sunset surf. I was late getting out of work and felt pressure to have a great surf. That always sets me up for failure. GREAT EXPECTATIONS.
I didn't get a single
(albeit, poor shape and conditions, LoL)
wave.
I just bobbed in the water beside myself with dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, my son was subjected to this behavior from me, however subtle my mood was.
I can count on a single hand the times I have felt like this in the water. That just doesn't happen, thankfully.
I am no doubt "changed" from the events of the year, both physically and spiritually. It is my mission to get back to as close to good as I can. I make progress and slide back as well in both areas. This is to be expected for me now. Steps forward and slides backwards. I guess this is the natural progression of things in my circunstance. I will say that I am pleased that my body is getting better, stronger, and responding to my challenges. I do it for my surfing, myself, but mostly for my wife Laurie, my son Jason, my other family and friends like Dave, Michelle, and Lori.
The next day I went out with Dave while my son went to work.
This next morning I stood on most every wave I wanted and had a very "normal" surf, which was GREAT ! ! I seem to get what I need right when I need it most. This keeps me goin on, keeps a little spark within my soul, something to stoke up.
It was good to move on the faces, get up without thinking about it.

On a Summer's Day in the dead of Winter

On a summers day in the dead of winter,
Saturday, Laurie, my loving wife and partner saw me do something that made her feel very good.
She saw me stand on 4 waves and ride em.
(After my last surf event ( oh PLEASE, see it below) I figured all very well maybe anti-climatic.This was better.)
It was a proud moment for me. I told her " see, I can do it, I wasn't sure if I really would ever be able to that again. It has been a year almost( Feb 8Th ) since I have been able to do what I love. Laurie and I have worked hard and suffered much. There is STILL a long way to go. But not as long, not as far, and I know now that it can , and will be done.

surf on...............

There are no words to really describe yesterday's session, I will, however, give it a shot.

With the talk of the "swell" coming I was both stoked and depressed.
1) Another opportunity to actually surf
( as in what I used to do before, my now year long, post surgical nightmarish reality).
2) Another opportunity for the bitter reality of struggling for waves (and stoke) only to stand for 1 second and fall in pain, or worse not stand at all.
So it was with great reluctance that I went out with my son Jason and his new surfing friend Todd.
Oh yeah, there was a fat swell with long intervals and it looked do-able for me.
With my sons help on timing the paddle out I made it out ok. Beautiful, warm, sunny, glassy and cool water. PERFECT, but........
I paddled for about 5 waves during an hour period, and couldn't get anything.
Backed out of some late ( for me ) take offs. But did see my son catch an amazing long, fat right, where he used his wave/ride knowledge to outsmart a closed out section to get on the continuing shoulder and got one of those 50 yard face rides.
THAT put a smile on my face.
My sons friend was making some late great takeoffs.
THAT put a smile on my face.
My best friend Dave came out, we said our howdy's and he asked if I had gotten anything to which I gave the standard "nope".
At some point I usually say a prayer to God, Jesus, and mother ocean
to send me one where I can get up and "surf" as I once used to,
before the F*#* storm happened.
NOPE, nothing'
I then realized that my son truly needed to see his dad get on as he was once able to do.
Again I said my prayer to the powers that are EXCEPT I said it for Jason to see his dad DO-IT.
B A M
I paddled for a 4-5 foot fatty, stood, dropped, surfed the face, moving the board up and down, got out in front of the close out, cut right and
picked up the reform( which was considerable) and rode it all the way in.
After that I broke down in an emotional rush like I have never felt before in perhaps my 50 some years of life.
It was an amazing day for my friends and my son, and myself. SIMPLY AMAZING ! ! !

surf on....

Why did I Paddle out in a 7.05 high tide ???????????? Cuz I can!

Had a really poor day at life yesterday, work had really got to me and I was blah blah blah blah blahing. I haven't stood up on a board in 2.5 months. I caught 4 or five waves that last time and hurt my gut and back enough to send me to the Dr and put fear into me about my abdominal issues.
I've had people call me over the last months and ask to go out and actually been so pissed and filled with self pity that I've thrown the phone, cursing. The ocean calls me every day. I pine away for it.

Last night I said screw all of it.

This morning at 8am, I Paddled into a 7 foot tide out to some channel marking buoys.
Glassy, very cold, clear water cool 60 degree air and warm sun.
By the time I reached the buoy I was exhausted, that was a mistake for sure as the tide had turned to going out and off shores started, Anyways, I sat face to face with a big bull seal and his harem sitting on buoy # 4 and he got real pissy about that, so I went back in. My arms were noodles after that but did STAND UP ON A NICE SWELL (attempted a bottom turn) then fell off, and crawled out to the beach.
That was a good thing ! ! ! A very good thing!
So... for now.... I AM S T O K E D again, finally.
surf on

My son and his NNW @ S.Tammy awhile ago.... one of my favorite sets ! !

May you all feel it..

Goodwill towards man

Thanks for Heaven and Earth

Happy holidays to all

surf on...

Would you say it calls to you ? ?

It does to me. The ocean calls to me. I've heard others say it in print, on screen and in person.
Isn't that way cool. That the Ocean calls to us in the way it does.
Sounds screwy right ?
No.
Jason was hearing it. A favorite photo from Big Wed 12/21/05
P.S. My bad... that photo is from 12/21/05...........
hmm first day of Winter too !
It was on that day that I knew I wanted to be on a 15-20 foot wave...,
that changed who I was. It was that day that I became so permanently stoked
...

Winter Waves Today

After hearing all that talk of Gray and cold I went out this morning. Put on the suit for the first time. Cold water and air felt good. Saw Chuck and Dan get some sweet ones from outside in.
Paddled out no problems.
Paddled for about 5 waves with my friends, but the abdominal wounds were yelling at me so no stand ups today.
People were askin about my son Jason and I was missin' him out there today.
Still got stoked as some shoulder highs came through.
Good Day... no pain right now, just afterglow. I figure it'll be about a year
until I can actually "surf" again. Hell...... that's a blink of an eye really, the way time has been going for me.
I'm a HAPPY BOY...I'm a HAPPY BOY.... hey init great when things are going yer way
hey hey.......ba.. rump bump bump bada bada ba, hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba.

surf on...

WoW Just beautiful... All my friends were out

Despite 60 people spread between the beach and the reef proper... today my experience was incredible.
Didn't stand up once. Too many freakin people for my battered body to compete with.
Did see folks I haven't seen in.... well since the Disaster ( surgery).
Rick ( the drunk monkey ), Glen ( has chunks of guys like me in his stool)
Ted( hair is still perfect and dry), Paul, Paul ( snake guy), Steve,
Pat (in the Hat), Aleta, Perry, Bobby, it was like a welcome home party for me.
Solitary, lone wolf me, saying howdy and getting welcome backs from all these fine surfers.
Pure glass, sunny,clear,warm, bros and the fine wahinis', PERFECT

thank you all....... ALL of ya

surf on ...

It has been 14 days since...

I got worked 2 weeks ago..... my abdominal scarring was micro torn and something crappy happened to the mess S-1,L-5,L-4,L-3 (rods, screws,misplaced plastic spacers and erroneous bone fusion) that is now my back, when I was pitched off a closed out 4 footer 0n the inside.
Very disappointing that just THAT has hurt so long.....

I continue to dream of dropping down a 15 footer in my life.
If I think of it a certain way I cry. If I think that this will not happen now because of this botched up surgery and all that has come to pass, I get very sad and very pissed !
This is my dream, this is my passion, this is what I must try to achieve.
I will find my way to it, I will find my way there !

I intend to paddle out this Saturday and stand again.
I will surf on...

Got worked , yep, I did

So out into the sunny warmth, and glassy blue for another try...
I head out with my son
and run into Eileen (tri~athelete and ex work surf team member)
which was a pleasant surprise.
Stood up and RODE the first wave.... nice
Stood up and fell on the second wave.... cool
(only was able to stand once at last time out)
Stood up, got closed out and got Bitch Slapped HARD
I knew that was gonna happen and I have wondered how it
might affect me and my "issues".
Well It HURT and I haven't been back for 4 days .....
I figure I'll be ready for more in about 4 more.....

Everyday is better and better even if its worse as a result of things like the above..
make sense ! ?

After 8 months of a whole lotta Bad, I stand up and surf.

Last night under a clear, blue and purple canopy, bright orange sun sinking below the water line, with my son and 2 best friends with me, and watching over me in the line up, I paddled through the glass in only my trunks, caught a wave and stood up.
It was hard.
It hurt.
But not as much as my last 2 attempts. In fact it hurts no more, at all as I write.
My friends Pat and Dave, and my son Jason, were as stoked as I.
There were some A frames and peelers there last night and all got good waves.

Before my surgery( 8 months ago), Pat used to sometimes ask,
as we sat outside in the setting sun
"Bill, what the HELL are you grinning like that for?"
(some of my best sessions were with no waves at all... just the ocean, weather, and friends, you know, the sensual stuff)

Last night, all he said was,"There's that SMILE again !".
At that moment I realized that I could return to what I once loved, that it is actually possible.

Thank you Laurie for understanding, supporting, and loving me.
Thank you Jason for inspiring me, I love you for that son, and more.
Thank you Lori M. and Michelle for your endless support of myself and Laurie.
Thank you Pat and Dave for ALWAYS being there.
Thanks fellow bloggers and surfers for your well wishes and inspirations.
Thank you God and Mother Ocean !
Surf on..............I'm in.